Day of the Q
by Billy Gamy
Summary: Quatre gets drunks and sets his sites on conquest; Heero deals with ordinary life sort of


**The Day of the Q**

By: Billy Gamy

with help from 

Joe Laquinte

[email: gamyb@yahoo.com][1]

**………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..**

This is my very first fanfic so please do not be too critical. Some of the action will not make sense, especially if you seen the whole series and _Endless Waltz. _I do not own _Gundam Wing _or any of their characters. Oh yes before I forget yaoi fans beware. 

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It was a peaceful day in the L2 colony Heero, Duo, Trowa, Quatre, and Wufei were at a local _heterosexual_ strip club doing what all _heterosexual _men do: Look at women, play poker, and drink beer except for Quatre he had an ice tea with an pink umbrella sticking out. Duo was in the middle of beating the crap out of everybody in poker. The other pilots were losing their shirts (metaphorically speaking). 

"Waitress, may I please have another ice tea." Quatre requested ever so politely. 

"What kind Mr. Winner?" said the waitress. 

"It doesn't matter." replied Quatre. 

"One Long Island Ice Tea coming right up." said the waitress. 

Quatre, Wufei, Trowa, and Heero continued playing poker with Duo, who was still kicking all of there asses. The waitress finally came back with Quatre's drink. 

"Here is your Long Island Ice Tea Mr. Winner." The waitress said while handing him the glass. 

"Thank You." 

"Hey Quatre" said Heero 

"Yes" Quatre replied 

"How old are You?" 

"16" 

"How much do you weight?" 

"About 90 pounds." 

"Do you really want to drink that?" 

"Of course, why not?" 

"Oh, no reason. Hey I dare you to drink all that in one gulp." 

"Ok" 

Quatre then proceeded to down the whole glass of Long Island Ice Tea, completely unaware of the high alcohol proof. As the alcohol made its was through Quatre's 90 pound body it intoxicated him instantly. Quatre was starting to feel different ... 

"Duo, how is it possible that you win all of the time", said Wufei 

"A great poker face", replied Duo 

"Are you sure" Trowa said taking a closer look at a patch he noticed on Duo's elbow. 

"Of course." Duo said getting very nervous. 

"THEN WHAT'S THIS!" Trowa shouted as he did a completely unnecessary elaborate flip that lasted 20 seconds. 

Of course Duo stayed in his seat for the whole period, not taking advantage of all this wasted time. After a while Trowa finally came down and snatched the patch off Duo's elbow and read it. 

"Just as I have thought the Zero Patch© the newest product from Khushrenada® " 

"YOU BASTARD!" screamed Heero "You chose this path the path that involved you using the Zero System to cheat at cards and take my money away from me. This path is goes against mine and this makes you an obstacle and as such I will DESTROY you prepare to die you ...." 

But before Heero could do anything Quatre had punch Duo in the stomach and he of course folded like the French in World War 2. Quatre then proceeded to cut Duo's braid off and toss it to the side. Quatre would never normal do a thing like this; however Quatre was drunk off his ass. See while most people either become sloppy drunks, happy drunks, or even mean drunks Quatre become a hardcore drunk. 

"Why you do it?" asked Trowa. 

"I needed the money." Duo said crying like a tool, a _heterosexual _tool still. 

"For what?" said Wufei. 

"For um ..." Duo muttered as a sweat drop came off his head 

All of a sudden Duo cell video phone rang and the image of an angry Hilde appeared. 

"Duo!" she yelled " Where are the tampons and other feminine products I told you to buy for me!" 

"I was just about to go get them." Duo said with fear in his voice. 

"Hurry up!" Hilde said as she hung up the phone. 

"What a wussy." Heero mocked. 

In a pathetic attempt to save face in front of the other pilots Duo said "Just for that she is so going to get light brand tampons". 

Everyone just stared a Duo. 

"See" said Duo "because she needs super." 

"Well anyway I going to take my money back and leave." said Wufei as he and the others tried to ignore Duo and started to pick up all the cash. 

"Yeah me too." Quatre said while scratching his crouch "and if you ever try a stunt like that again Duo it will be your ass" he said shaking his fist as he made his exit while Duo coward in the corner. 

"Heero" Trowa said "you know that was mean what you did to Quatre." 

"No it wasn't" Heero said in his defenses "it was all done in good nature." 

"Good Nature! Look at my hair!" Duo said as he pointed to were his braid used to be. 

"By the way Duo" said Trowa "where is your braid?" 

"It should be over there." Duo said as he pointed over to the bar. 

But when everyone looked over the braid was ... gone! 

"Where is it!?" shouted Duo. 

"Look by the exit!" said Trowa 

Then all of there eyes fell on to a shady looking character with rat like features wearing a trench coat ... and he was holding Duo's braid! 

"Hey you stop!" Duo said while attempting an unnecessary, long, and elaborate flip of his own. Being Duo of course he promptly fell on his ass. 

The shady rat looking character wearing a trench coat took this time to make his escape. 

"Man, this is so not fair!" Duo said rolling around on the floor as he threw a tantrum. 

"Well anyway" Heero said as he and the others pretended not too know Duo "I have to go home, Relena is probably screaming out my name now for no apparent reason." 

Heero then proceeded to leave and board the Wing Zero. 

Heero left the club on the L2 colony and headed back towards earth to the Sank Kingdom where Relena was most likely waiting for him. As Heero looked at the time he realized how late it was getting so he decide to take advantage of the Zero System and race home in the classic Speed Racer style. While he was making great time he noticed an extremely slow driver up ahead of him. As he took a closer look at the driver he recognized that he was one of the very few random pilots that blew up all the time that made it threw the war alive. So being under the influence of the Zero System he decide to do what Speed Racer would, run him out the way. Of course since the driver was unimportant his vehicle exploded on impacted and Heero gave one of his maniacal laughs that we had not heard much since the his adventures began. 

(Author Note: I know some of you readers out there must be disgusted with this particular random act of violence and you should be, but this just goes to show you the evils of Speed Racer. Where were you when Speed went on killing sprees just to win a race. You all must have saw that one guy that Speed knocked off the course in the opening credits there was no way the guy could have live through that. This and all the others evils of Speed Racer should be discuss and known threw out the anime community. Thank You and now back to our story.) 

**…………………………………………………………………………**

Meanwhile back in the colonies Quatre was walking down the street in a particular rough neighborhood when Red Skulls, a local gang, spotted him. 

"Hey" said one of the Red Skulls members "check out this guy." 

With that they all started to stare a Quatre who was wearing his usual outfit: goggles, slacks, a pink shirt, and a purple vest. (Author Note: I won't even attempt to defend this) 

"This is going to be too easy." said one of the other Red Skulls members. 

The gang then proceeded to surround Quatre and demand that he give them all of his money. The sober Quatre would probably have his eyes water up and breakdown crying in the middle of the street. However... 

"You want a piece of me you low life bastards!" screamed Quatre at the Red Skulls leader. 

"This punk really wants to go at it." the leader chuckled to the rest of his gang. 

"Just bring it." Quatre said as he motioned the leader over. 

With this the leader rush at Quatre. Quatre quickly dodge the attack and land a crushing blow to his opponent. (Author Note: never underestimate a guy were a pink shirt and a purple vest.) 

"Now who wants some!" Quatre said as he stood over his victims body. 

"Wow! He total bitch our leader!" said one of the younger Red Skulls member. 

"Hey man why don't you be our new leader" said another gang member to Quatre. 

"Yeah!" said the others in unison. 

"OK why the hell not." Quatre answered. 

"All right!" said the gang "All hail our new leader... hey what is your name?" 

"Just call me" Quatre said as he gave a smile "Q-dawg ... oh by the way our new name is Pink Skulls." 

One of the gang members was about to speak up but Quatre gave a cold look towards his direction and shut him up. 

"All Hail Q-dawg new leader of the Pink Skulls!" 

**…………………………………………………………………………**

Back on earth in the peaceful Sank Kingdom Heero was making his way back to his home were his loving wife was waiting for him. 

"H..E..E..R..O!" screamed out Relena "WHERE ARE YOU!" 

Heero could hear Relena's shouts from two blocks away. He immediately rushed to his house. 

"Damn It!" said Heero 

Heero made it back to his house were Relena was still screaming out his name. 

"Relena!" said Heero "What happened?" 

"Heero!" Relena said as she jumped into Heero's arms like a faithful puppy. "I was so worried about you I though that something horrible might of happened since you were so late." 

Heero dropped Relena on the ground where she land with a loud thug and went up to a nearby clock. 

"Damn women! I am only 5 minutes late!" Heero said angry. 

"I know" Relena replied "It was a living hell I did not know what I was going to do if something was to happen to you. That it I pledge never to let you out of my site again I will..." 

"Oh God" Heero sighed "If only Duo did not interfered that day and shot me, I probably would have capped her ass." 

"What did you say?" Relena asked. 

"Where's the mail?" Heero said changing the subject. 

"Over on the table" Relena said 

"Lets see" Heero said as he began to read his mail "Water Bill, Electric Bill, Cable Bill, You could already be a millionaire, subpoenas suing me for all the random people I destroyed... Nothing be junk mail." 

"This also came for you" Relena said as she handed him another letter. 

"All right a NRA meeting notice!" Heero said with glee. (Author's Note: yes glee so what) 

"I don't know why you still go to those meetings." Relena said 

"Why?!" said Heero as began his rant "It is because the government thinks that they can take my constitutional right to bear arms away from me!" 

"The Wing Zero is a bit more then just mere arms." Relena said 

"It is the principle that matters!" said Heero 

"Maybe the government would not mind so much if you did not kill all of those random people and were old enough to get a drivers license." said Relena 

"First of all Relena" Heero said "I do not kill I destory please respect Cartoon Network fine dubbing ... oh I feel so dirty"

Before Heero and Relena could finish their argument a knock was heard at the door. 

"Heero go open the door please." Relena requested 

An angry Heero went to go answer the door, determined to make whoever it was pay. 

"Yes what do you want?" Heero demanded. 

"Congratulation Mr. And Mrs. Yuy you just won Ten Million Dollar!" 

"Oh my God it's Ed McMahon" Relena said with shock. 

Ed McMahon hand over a check for Ten Million Dollars to Heero as the people in the back began to clap. However due to a force of habit Heero promptly tore the check up. 

"But why?" said Ed McMahon with a tear in is eye. 

Heero gentle removed the tear from his eye and whispered in too his ear "I will destroy you." after leaving an Ed McMahon with a shock expression on his face Heero went inside the Wing Zero and made his exit into the sky. 

**…………………………………………………………………………**

Meanwhile back in the colonies... 

"Wow" said one of the members of Quatre's gang "under Q-dawg's leadership the Pink Skull are the most powerful gang in the colonies we complete destroyed all of our enemies: the rival gangs, the police force, and the Mormon Church!" 

"I know" said another gang member "this is the Golden age for Pink Skulls, but what is their left to accomplish." 

"That." said Quatre as he pointed at the Earth. 

"You can be serious Q-dawg" said one of members of Pink Skulls. 

With this Quatre went up to him and pimp slapped him. 

"Tonight" Quatre began "we will all go to the World Nation's headquarters and me and five others will enter the complex and force all the leaders to hand over their power to me." 

"Q-dawg" said one of the gang members "are you sure that's possible?" 

"Of course it is." said Quatre "Anyway it worked for Treize and Alf." 

"You mean that how Alf came to power" said a gang member. 

Yes in the year prior to the exploration of space the loveable alien that we all knew as Alf came to Earth and lived with an average white middle class family. But what they didn't know was that Alf was bidding his time to start his "Coup d'etat". When the day did come Alf swiftly killed the family he was living with and used his weapons of mass destruction to bring about one of the worst dictatorship reign in history. 

Later that evening... 

As Quatre and his gang arrived at the World Nation's headquarters he promptly gave out his final orders to commence operation "Take 5 people to the World Nation headquarter and take over the Earth" (Author Note: I know it is a lame joke so sue me). 

Because of the success of the Gundam pilots during the war the Earth and the colonies were living a peaceful state under total pacifism; therefore, the World Nation headquarter had no reason for any strong security measures. Because of this operation "Take 5 people to the World Nation headquarter and take over the Earth" was a complete success (Author Note: Ha now it's a lame repeating joke). 

"Now that you are in charge of the whole world Q-dawg what are you going to do" said one of the members of Quatre's gang. 

"Hmm well to start out with ... hey you take this down!" Quatre shout at one of the former leaders of the world. 

"Yes sir" said the former leader who was about to wet his pants. 

"First of all" Quatre began "the Earth will be renamed Q-dawg World. Second, all citizens must wear a pink shirt and a purple vest. Third,... " 

With this everyone sat down knowing that this will be a very long night. 

**…………………………………………………………………………**

Heero, needing some serious space from Relena, decided to ride around in the Wing Zero to clear his head. To get rid of some stress Heero playfully took his Buster Rifle and randomly shot at objects then speeded off. As Heero flew off he noticed that he was being followed by a cop! 

"Pull your vehicle off to the side." the cop demanded 

Heero did as the cop asked and pulled over. 

"Let me see you license and registrations please." the cop said in a cool voice. 

"Your kidding." said Heero. 

"Now young man do you know why I pulled you over?" the cop asked. 

"Because I am going to destroy you." Heero said coldly. 

"What was that young man" the cop said "hey what are you doing ... stop that ... this is officer 197 I needed back up fast ... ahh ... tell my wife that I love her NOOO!" 

Seconds latter 87 policemen arrived to subdue Heero. After a long and fierce battle the 3 cops that lived brought Heero before Judge Noventa. 

"Now what seems to be the problem young man." said Noventa. 

"Sir" said one of the cops "this man was caught shooting buildings down with a weapon of mass destructions and he also killed 85 officers of the law." 

"I'm sure he didn't mean it" Noventa said as rubbed Heero head "I remember when I was his age I gotten into a few scrapes myself now go on young man don't get into anymore trouble." 

"Yes sir!" Heero said as he ran off. 

"I sure that kid will be just fine." Noventa said as he chuckled. 

In the distance screams, shots, and explosion could be heard. 

"Sirs what is that?" said a cop. 

"It's probable nothing." Noventa said 

"Oh God help me it burns it burns!" was heard coming from outside. 

"Anyway come on its time for my cake and tea." said Noventa. 

**…………………………………………………………………………**

We interrupt your regularly scheduled fanfic to bring you this important rant: 

People wake up does anybody ever wonder about Zechs. Sure he graduated top of his class, was a high ranking officer in OZ, pilot of the Tallgeese, Wing Zero and Epyon, and the leader of White Fang (which does sound like a white supremacy group but I will let that go for now). These are all great accomplishments but how is it possible that anyone could get past that goofy mask of his come it is so dumb looking. First of all think about how long he must have had that mask on we know that he dawned it after he left the Sank Kingdom which was 13 years before the series therefore he must have been wearing the mask since he was 6. Ok who the hell would take a six year old in a mask seriously and how did he make it through school with it on. Also who in there right mind would promote a guy wearing a mask to lieutenant and how did his men respect him they must made a lot of mask jokes behind his back. Also how did he get a nick name like the "Lighting Count" you know what he probable made it up for himself so he won't be made fun of as much. 

Thank you very much for listening to this rant we now take you back to your normally scheduled fanfic already in progress... 

**…………………………………………………………………………**

After relieving a lot of stress Heero decided to go back home to Relena. 

"Relena I home." said Heero. 

"Great!" said Relena "Heero the Sank Kingdom garbage trunk broke down I need you to take the Kingdom's trash out in the Wing Zero." 

"You got to be out of your damn mind women" said Heero "The Wing Zero is one of the most powerful Mobil Suits in existences it utilizes the human pilot perfectly making it one of the most deadly and efficient killing machines there is." 

"So it will be easy for you to take the trash out then." Relena said. 

"Women are you listening to me" said Heero however as he started to look at the completely blank dumbfounded look on his wife face he realized that he could not win. "oh never mind I do it" 

"Oh Heero your so wonderful" Relena said as she tried to jump into Heero's arms but he quickly stepped out of the way and watch her crash into a grandfathers clock. 

"Well I'm off" Heero said trying not to laugh. 

Heero left his house and boarded the Wing Zero yet again. He took the garbage out and decide to dump it just outside the Sank Kingdom. Close by Mr. and Mrs. Noventa were taking a walk with there granddaughter Sylvia when they notice something in the sky. 

"What that in the sky Grandfather?" said Sylvia 

"It looks like a garbage carrying mobile suit." answered Mr. Noventa. 

"This look like a great place to drop this." said Heero from his mobile suit. 

"Everybody run for it!" said Mr. Noventa as they all scramble in opposite direction "Now young man don't drop that garbage on me NOOOOO!" 

Sadly the impact of the garbage killed Mr. Noventa on impact. 

"Mission Complete." Heero said with a smile on his face. 

Heero was about to go home when he saw two people crowed around the garage he immediately knew was must of happened. Heero then land the Wing Zero and went to the two remaining Noventas. 

"Mister come help us my grandfather was crushed by garbage!" Sylvia said 

"I'm sorry he's dead" said Heero "and I was the one who killed him. Here take your revenge" 

Heero tossed a gun to Sylvia who immediately pointed it at him. 

"No this is not what my grandfather would have wanted." she said as she threw the gun away. 

"I am really sorry for what happened." Heero said as he took off his bullet proof vest. 

"Now young man" Mrs. Noventa started "it was not your fault you young kids are under a lot stress, I really admire all you tried do and I understand were you must be coming from." 

"Well Miss" said Heero "I stop have all those problems when the war ended so I can't really uses that as an excuse this time it was just that I was to lazy to properly dumped this garbage." 

"You know what" said Mrs. Noventa "You seem to be a fine young man why don't you take my granddaughter Sylvia as you wife." 

"Well I am married" said Heero as Sylvia kissed him "but..." 

"HEERO what is going on!" Relena screamed. 

"Relena what are you doing here?" said a shocked Heero 

"I tell you to take out the trash and I find you here with some floozy!" screamed Relena. 

"Floozy!" Sylvia said "I am going kick you ass!" 

"Bring it on tramp!" Relena said. 

With this a huge cat fight broke lose and an mob of guys crowed around. Heero watched the two girls started to fight over him and then realized that he wished he did not always have biker shorts on. Heero then thought about his day and how he played card with the guys saw Duo get beat up, killed numerous amount of people... 

As Heero was thinking one of the girls bras landed on his head... 

"Oh yes life is good." he said. 

**…………………………………………………………………………**

Back at the World Nation's headquarters ... 

"And for my 254th decree" said Quatre "all children must dress up as teddy bears on Tuesdays." 

"Wow" said one of the Pink Skull members "nothing can stop us now." 

With that the door busted open and when the dust cleared a angry Dorothy was standing in the doorway. 

"Dorothy!" said a surprised Quatre. 

"Q-dawg who is this?" said one of the gang members 

"This is my wife." Quatre said solemnly (Author's Note: yes wife even the normal wussy Quatre is straight and yes Quatre and Dorothy are a couple so there) 

"Q-dawg?" Dorothy said "Quatre what is going on have you been drinking again." 

"Wife? Quatre? Q-dawg what is going on?" asked a confused gang member. 

"That's it!" said Dorothy "Quatre we are going home now!" 

"Women do you know who I am?" said Quatre 

"Who?" said Dorothy mockingly. 

"I am now the KING OF THE WORLD!" Quatre said as he lean forward and spread his arms out. 

"Ok Leo lets go home." said Dorothy. 

"Don't mock me and Leonardo Dicapreo he is going to play me in the movie of my life story." said Quatre. 

"That it you are coming home now!" said Dorothy. 

"The hell I am!" said Quatre. 

Dorothy went up to Quatre and they began to stare each other down. Dorothy noticed that Quatre was sweating a lot. This must mean he's starting to sober up Dorothy thought to herself. She then bitched slapped Quatre as hard as she could. Quatre eyes began to water up ... 

"Why did you go and do that?" Quatre said as tears began to roll down his cheeks. 

Dorothy then realized that she had the old Quatre back. She then hugged him. 

"Come on Quatre lets go home." said Dorothy "I'll fix you your favorite treat." 

"You mean the pink cupcakes!" said Quatre almost giggling with anticipation. 

"Yes the pink cupcakes." said Dorothy. 

"I love you Dorothy." said Quatre. 

"I love you too Quatre." replied Dorothy. 

Quatre and Dorothy then walk home together with there arms around each other. 

"Now who is going lead the Pink Skulls and the World." said one of the people in the headquarters. 

As soon as he said that an evil laugh was heard behind them. 

"Now" said a man with a larger yellow hat on "all bow down before your new god _Curious George_!" 

With this all the people in the room started bow down then shady looking character with a trench coat came in. 

"Here the braid you wanted." the trench coat guy said as he handed over the braid to the man in the yellow hat. 

"Yes Master George's plan is almost complete almost complete!" the man in the yellow hat said as he knelt before Curious George hand him the braid. 

"HAAAAAAAA!!!" 

The End!?! 

**………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..**

Well thats it thanks for reading my fanfic if you like this fanfic please read A Normal Day in the Life of a Gundam Pilot By: Joe Laquinte if you don't he get drunk and beat me. 

Well did you hated the story, loved it, feel like posting on your page, or curse at me for ever writing it please email me. 

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   [1]: Mailto:gamyb@yahoo.com



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